


Wesley: Cuppa Tea, Cuppa Tea...

by ocean_of_notions, radio_silent



Series: The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth! [8]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angel is Still Writing That Soap Opera, Crack, Diary/Journal, Humor, Multi, Season/Series 03, Tea, Very Secret Diary, Watcher's Council
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-02
Updated: 2008-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:39:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocean_of_notions/pseuds/ocean_of_notions, https://archiveofourown.org/users/radio_silent/pseuds/radio_silent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My field tests against the Vampyrs had in no way prepared me for great blobby demons who like to remove kneecaps. Really, am considering writing an irate letter to Watcher's Academy recommending a change."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wesley: Cuppa Tea, Cuppa Tea...

Day One  
Tea: Darjeeling.  
Rank at watcher's academy: 11th  
Fieldwork tomorrow! Am v. excited to do as so few Watchers have done before me and face a real and actual Vampyr. Have read extensively on the species and am curious, frankly, to see how the transformation-to-Vampyric-state ("wrinkled forehead" process) works.

Day Two  
Tea: Chamomile. Decaffeinated.  
Rank at Watcher's Academy: 27th.    
Don't know how this happened.  All 26 above me have never faced an actual Demon of the Night.  There's no telling what they would do under the incredible pressure.

Really, under the circumstances, I'm sure even Quentin Travers himself might cower and make high-pitched noises.

Day Three  
Tea: English Breakfast.  
Rank: 26th  
Still recovering from fieldwork. And consequences of fieldwork.

On upside, at least I kept a level head (on some level) and am ready to work my way back up the ranks with Dedication, Intelligence, and Preparation. Am drinking Mr. Travers' favorite tea and rereading the Slayer's Handbook practically as we speak.

Day Four  
Tea: Earl Grey.  
Rank: 27th  
Still not in Mr.Travers' good graces.  (Don't understand--had hoped knowing Slayer Handbook cover to cover would have fixed the problem straightaway.) Was not even invited to annual Watcher's Retreat. Though was probably for the better, anyway--would have inevitably returned covered in mosquito bites or poison ivy, like last time.  
   
Day Five  
Tea: Chamomile.  
Rank: 27th  
Quite the drama in Sunnydale, California!  Ms. Gwendolyn Post, ex-Watcher, recently went evil and attempted to rule the world.  It's fascinating, really.  Do recall having met her years ago, when she was also attending the Watcher's Academy.  Teachers all said she was brilliant, high marks on everything.  Wonder how she managed to infiltrate the council's time-honored ranking system.

...Think Lagos had anything to do with it?  
   
Day Six  
Tea: Ceylon  
Rank: 26th  
This Gwendolyn Post business got me thinking, so I took on a bit of an extra credit research project, to learn more of ~~demon-worship~~ Sunnydale. poked my nose in a few books, tracked down a few unfriendly sources, and...well, you get the idea.

The results: Sunnydale, California, also known as the Mouth of Hell, was originally settled by the Spaniards and they called it "Boca del Infierno."  Fascinating!  I should try research even more often in my free time.

Day Seven  
Tea: NONE. See below.  
Rank: 25th  
Randy Thompson forgot to refresh the Council's supply of tea! Would be having a panic attack at inherent wrongness of Watcher’s Council without tea, but now I'm further up the ranks. So, as you can see, there is a silver lining after all.  

Day Eight  
Tea: Still none.  
Rank: 23rd  
Have been assigned for a second field test against a Vampyr.  Without my morning cup of tea, my constitution is just not feeling stable enough for this.  Coffee just does not do the trick, you know?  Plus ours smells funny. But maybe this is good news.  They decided ~~to give me a second chance~~ that I am ready for this trial.

(later)

You know they do say third time is the charm... I mean, Mr. Travers likes to say that the first time's your only chance, but other people believe that other option...right?  
   
Day Nine  
Cup of tea: English Breakfast  
Ranking: 25th  
You know I really do prefer research to fieldwork. Discoverd that "third time is the charm" belief is v. popular indeed... only a third time with the Vampyr isn't looking so appealing right now.  


Oh, but I thought to send a bulk order of English Breakfast Tea, so ~~the council will probably save me from getting bitten and bleeding to death should that third Vampyr encounter occur~~ might just become a respected Watcher after all.  
   
Day Ten  
Cup of tea: still English Breakfast  
Rank: 24th  
Cruciamentum coming up... things getting v. exciting here at Council. Mr. Travers is getting all his accounts squared away before he leaves for, as he put it, "that hellhole." _Think_ he was talking about Sunnydale.  
   
Day Eleven  
Tea: No time for tea!  
Rank: 22nd  
Have been charged with the honorable task of preparing Mr. Travers's luggage for his upcoming voyage to the Mouth of Hell.  So far list of accessorial items to pack includes coffee (Taster's Choice); the usual crosses and holy water; extra strong sunblock (hear the UV radiation is quite powerful in Sunnydale); maps of the United States, the Pacific Coast, and the state of California; a compass in case he gets lost in the wilds of Southern California; an American flag sweatshirt and an authentic baseball cap so he can effectively camouflage himself;  some English Breakfast; {some more English Breakfast just in case;}  and an extra pair of socks.  
   
Day Twelve  
Tea: Green  
Rank: 21st  
Am still amidst the packing. Didn't realize it took so long... even had to adjust my mission scenario! Original had me finished and rereading War and Peace by 2:00 pm, and seeing as it's 7:00...  
   
Day Thirteen  
Tea: Lady Grey  
Rank: Up in the air  
Well, Mr. Travers is off.  Other Watchers-in-Training (WITs) have complained about the arduous task of preparing the luggage of the Councilors.  Do not understand.  Packing for Mr. Travers was a great honor.  Feel incredible pride even if didn't have time to read War and Peace for the 13th time.  Was well worth it.  Expect to see myself rising in the ranks soon, unless I forgot something.

Dear Lord, what if I forgot something?!

Day Fourteen  
Tea: English Breakfast, of course  
Rank: 20th  
Apparently the Slayer's rite of passage did not go as planned.  Mr. Travers returned from the states all in a huff about this Watcher, Rupert Giles, and his blatant disregard for the rules of the Council.  Mr. Travers was so distracted that he didn't even yell at me when I dropped all of his luggage, some of which sounded perishable, down the stairs!

Day Fifteen  
Tea: Darjeeling.  
Rank: irrelevant!  
Am being sent to the Mouth of Hell, where I shall shepherd the Slayer through her many inevitable trials and tribulations in the battle against evil.

Really, quite pleasantly shocked at the promotion.  Didn't see it coming.

...They're not just trying to get rid of me, are they?  
   
Day Sixteen  
Tea: An insufferable orange peoke I was handed by airline hostess  
Rank: WIT no more!  
To be frank, am rather excited about my promotion. This is going to go splendidly. I have training with Vampyrs that no other watcher has, and I have my natural intelligence (and good looks) to guide me as well. This job should be, what's the phrase again? A piece of scone? A part of a pastry?

A bit of biscuit?

Day Seventeen  
Dear Watchers,  
Tea: Black. Nothing so good as what the council had to offer, of course.  
Slayers (!): willful and insolent.  
First meeting did not go quite as anticipated.  Needless to say, this Rupert Giles has been filling their heads with rubbish.  And American teenagers these days are entirely unsophisticated--must be all that godawful coffee they drink.  Still, have undoubtedly impressed all with my great knowledge and research skills.

(later)

My field tests against the Vampyrs had in no way prepared me for great blobby demons who like to remove kneecaps.  Really, am considering writing an irate letter to Watcher's Academy recommending a change.  
   
Day Eighteen  
Dear Watchers,  
Tea: Earl grey.  
Slayers: Investigating.  
Met a fascinating new resident of Sunnydale, California today! Her name is Miss Cordelia Chase and she teaches psychology.

TAKES psychology. Right, right.

(later)

Total and utter excitement over getting to speak to Mr. Travers again was somewhat dampened by the fact that our conversation centered around the fact one of my slayers has become a cold-blooded murderer. Was not immediately fired, but probably should have been.

Day Nineteen  
Dear Watchers,  
Tea: Darjeeling  
Slayers: Probably not homicidal.  
My field experience has proved useful after all! (or third time is the charm...only this isn't really the third time...nevermind.) Have just saved myself and Miss Chase from the dreadful clutches of a Creature of the Night.

Miss Chase is really quite mature for her age.

Day Twenty  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer 1: Rather upset that Slayer 2 is evil.  
Slayer 2: see above.  
Cordelia quite valiantly offered to assist me in my research endeavours, alongside Buffy's other friends.  Do wish Slayers were more like Cordelia, or at least had more friends like her.  
   
Day Twenty-One  
Dear Watchers,   
Slayer: psychic.  (But she will never read my thoughts, for I have been highly trained in the making of secret codes at the prestigious Watcher's Academy.)   
Myself: not thinking about Ordelia-cay.  Far smarter than Uffy-bay.  
   
Day Twenty-Two  
Dear Watchers,  
(not-rogue) Slayer: Too centered on college plans and friendships. And also haircare...really how does she end up fighting anything?  
Box of Gavrock: ~~with Mayor.~~   ~~not with Mayor.~~ with Mayor again.  
Well I think so far things in Sunnydale are going fabulously. For example, I've pretty much got sarcasm down flat.  
   
Day Twenty-Three,  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: Hunting hellhounds (see below)  
Am chaperoning Sunnydale High Prom!  Was worried about distraction from watching duties, of course, but have decided I can watch, er, people, just fine "007 style."

Plus Prom isn't safe from hellhounds, and avoiding the event would really be against my duties on the whole.  Hellhounds trained to attack the beautiful and well-groomed, so Cordelia naturally at great risk--best if I watch her for the night.  
   
Day Twenty-Four  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: Um, how to say it...Slayer has chosen to help the evil, evil Vampyr Angelus in his dying hours, as she is infatuated with him.  In light of the Council's refusal to provide assistance, she has offered her resignation.

Sure she'll come around.  This sort of thing must happen all the time.

Day Twenty-Five  
 ~~Dear Watchers,~~  
Oh bother.  If a Watcher Watches but no one is around to Slay, is he really Watching?

At least Cordelia thinks I'm classy.

(later)

Have joined Buffy and Cordelia and others in the battle against the Mayor.  Thought perhaps could be of use creating mission scenarios, but Buffy wants to use some sort of manuscript written by Angelus.  He refers to the demonic text as his "magnum opus."  Really, do not understand American youth.  
   
Day Twenty-Six  
Apocalypse over.  Am alive, but have certainly been better.  Right now it seems I am in dire need of relationship counseling.  And also possibly a new spleen.  Cordelia is leaving for Los Angeles with the demon and his manuscript.

Despite years of effort poured in, wondering if Watching is really the right career choice after all.

(later)

After a bit of soul-searching, have decided my good looks and charm cannot go to waste any longer.  Am headed to Hollywood to try my hand at a career in film.  
   
Failing that, I can probably make it on Passions.  
   
 

 

 


End file.
